She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
