Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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