Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
