Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
