I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
