how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
