The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
