as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
