I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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