I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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