Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
