just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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