well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
