hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
