My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
