I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
