from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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