I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
