nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
