I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
