I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
