There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
