Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
