When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
