just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
