Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
