i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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