I am puke
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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