As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
