I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
