I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
