I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
