Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
