And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
