I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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