I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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