I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
