pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
