There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
