Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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