Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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