Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think I won the penis lottery.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
