My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
