Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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