he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
