Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
