you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
