I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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