he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
