He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
