I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
